


the stars rushing backwards

by cyclothimic



Series: express [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Doppelganger, Express Prompt, F/F, Gen, Harun-El, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Kryptonite, Lena Luthor Finds Out Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Saves the World - Again, Mild Happy Ending, Romance, Standalone, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 06:24:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16112693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyclothimic/pseuds/cyclothimic
Summary: prompt: I'd love to see your take on if Lena goes evil... angst but can you manage a happy ending-"What do I have to do?""To what?""To have you forgive me.""Oh, Kara…Supergirl, the moment I had to decide that using Kryptonite was the only way for you to tell me the truth was the moment that door closed."-or Lena finds out about Kara and pushes her away, and the other Kara finds her.





	the stars rushing backwards

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone, i know, i've been absent for quite some time. i'm not going to apologize for college keeping me busy, but i can tell you that i'll try to show up and offer you more content from now on. anyway, this is my first express prompt! i'm kind of excited! hope you like it :)
> 
> now read, ponder, and enjoy!

_Can you the remember the moments our fingers let go?_

_-Michael Faudet_

* * *

It was quite unbelievable, but also rather genius. Of course, when Lena Luthor was in the question, it should be outlawed for people to even be surprised by the levels of her intellect. And yet, time and again, she always managed to do it – the alien detection device, rendering an inert isotope to save the alien population on the entire planet, actually successfully inventing the trans-matter portal, recreating a recipe for a material that could power the entire planet, synthesizing Kryptonite.

Always, her brain came up with something and everyone should be forever thankful for it. And yet, no one was. No one except Kara and, in lieu of that, Supergirl. But Lena couldn't know that, could she? Not when she carried such disdain for Supergirl right now – Kara didn't want to think of it as hatred, she wasn't sure she could bear the knowledge of her best friend hating her. She swore she would tell Lena, just not yet. Not now. Not when their friendship was on the fence and the only person Lena trusted wholeheartedly was also the very person she  _didn't_.

So Lena didn't know. Lena wasn't supposed to know.

Except right now, as Kara suddenly keeled over from the couch and watched as the veins under her skin turn green, a sudden attack that she didn't see coming, Lena was smiling. Even though Kara was still mustering through the familiar ache that had been the very reason her alter ego and Lena had a falling out in the first place, she could still see that the smile wasn't real.

It was a disappointed kind of smile. A smile that was knowing, but didn't  _want_ to know. A smile that was angry at everything and everyone. A smile that seemed to hurt more than the Kryptonite that was hurting her, if that was even possible.

Oh Rao. She  _knew_.

And suddenly, the pain was gone. Kara watched as Lena deposited a tiny device on the coffee table – must be the remote to switch on the Kryptonite – and stood up. On the floor, she watched as the CEO crossed her arms and  _smiled_ down at her before the woman shook her head and slowly strolled towards the balcony, each step deliberate and heavy, the clack of her heels only muffled by the carpet.

Though she was no longer in pain, that was only physical. She propped her elbow on her raised knee and palmed her face, trying to figure out how to proceed. She could blow up as she did when she first discovered that Lena  _knew_ how to make Kryptonite, but that could only go one way. She could apologize, but Lena probably wouldn't be able to hear it. Not now. Maybe not ever.

"A warning would have been nice," she decided, her voice withered, as she climbed to her feet and made her way next to the woman whom she wasn't sure was her friend anymore.

Lena scoffed. The smile had disappeared, and as Kara watched out of the corner of her eyes, she was holding back unshed tears. Still doing her best to retain her tough façade.

If anything, this was the very sign that their friendship had gone beyond repair, because Lena would always put on a tough act for anybody except for Kara. She had always known that Kara was the one person she didn't have to pretend with.

That was different now, because how could she let down her walls with someone she thought she could trust everything with when that person refused to be truthful to her until she had to pull out extreme measures? For that, Kara couldn't really blame the raven haired woman from activating the Kryptonite. It was cruel, but Lena was probably right to think it was the only way to know the truth. After all, her whole life had been a deception, starting from her family to her soon-to-be ex best friend.

Kara mimicked Lena's position and rubbed her hands together. The ball was no longer in her court. It had been out of her court long since she realized the mistakes she had made in doubting Lena in the first place. That had snowballed into her reluctance to tell Lena and had finally, as of today, on this mild Tuesday afternoon when they were supposed to have their weekly lunch together, exploded.

"I love you, you know," Lena said. Ten minutes ago, Kara could have been real happy to hear that. She would have leaped up and laughed and gather Lena into her arms and kiss the hell out of her. That was ten minutes ago. "I thought we could –" She cut herself off with that laugh of hers, the one she used when someone, like James, said something really stupid and she could hardly understand that something as stupid could come out of a human being. "Well, I  _thought_."

"What do I have to do?" Kara asked. Alex had always said she was stubborn, and if there was anything that she  _should_ be stubborn about, this was it – this friendship that she valued more than anything else in the world. A friendship that she had been hopeful could evolve into more, but wouldn't ask for anything more than at this point.

"To what?"

"To have you forgive me."

Lena was quiet for a moment, still and tense. And then her face screwed up and she erupted into laughter, so loud that Kara was sure a couple of birds flew right into concrete. She frowned, watching the woman clutch her stomach as the giggles got to her so badly.

When she sobered up, she was wiping at the edge of her eyes. Oh. The laughing was her excuse to allow the tears to drop. Kara clenched her jaw and waited anyway.

"Oh, Kara… _Supergirl_  –" Lena leaned sideways against the railing and stared at her for a long while, the smile on her face gradually but certainly dissolving into a glower "– the moment I had to decide that using Kryptonite was the only way for you to tell me the truth was the moment that door closed."

* * *

When she left the L-Corp building – not even pretending to catch the bus anymore and just straight up flew away from the balcony – she didn't know what to expect.

She took the day off without giving James any valid reason, understanding that Snapper probably would tear her head off for skipping out on him in the middle of the day. Once her feet found solid footing on the fire escape, there were dry tear tracks on her cheeks, expelled and dried within the ten minutes it took to reach her apartment. Then she got her phone out and texted Alex to get the strongest booze possible that could topple a Kryptonian physique.

The alcohol was some blend of whiskey and bourbon that was brewed in by an Oan bartender – Alex managed to wrangle a whole bottle of it. And with just five glasses, Kara was gone. And only then did she find the guts to tell Alex what had happened. It was kind of unironically ironic, the fact that it took her heart to be broken for her to understand why her sister was always so adamant to have ingest some form of alcohol on a nightly basis.

The numbing. The forgetting. The ease of falling asleep with a muddled mind.

Not knowing what to expect on Lena's end after the very diplomatic but so very unkind sendoff that Kara definitely deserved, she became her sister, visiting the bar every night after work and trying out every variation of alien alcohol that was available. Sure, it had ended with some pretty ugly hangovers that she produced articles that almost gave Snappers a stroke, but she could really care less.

All she could think about, all she could see, was that look on Lena's face when what she suspected became true. That look, like she wished she hadn't been so smart and perceptive. Like she wished that it was all just a nightmare. Like she wished she could stay oblivious. This was when she was sober.

When she was drunk, she would conjure up all the ways possible to apologize and get the forgiveness that she probably shouldn't get. Grovel. Beg. Kneel. All ways possible. Before she could execute them, Alex would be there. And for as long as a month, their roles switched and Alex Danvers would be seen as the one to escort her drunk sister back home.

She'd been drunk for a month and she finally knew why Alex sought alcohol so much after Maggie left. And then it was a Thursday night and she was already into the eighth glass of whatever the bartender had served her with tonight when Alex barged in and slapped her hand on the bar top.

"I need water. As much water as you can give me. Water. Go!" she demanded, adding another slap for good measure before she slipped onto the stool next to Kara and took the glass away from the blonde.

Kara made a valiant effort of protesting but Alex held her face with her hands, a firm look on her face. She seemed like she was afraid, but Kara couldn't really that clearly with the darkness starting to edge in on her vision. "Hey!" she protested again when Alex started smacking her face. Gently, but also firmly.

"Wake up. You need to wake up," Alex snapped and didn't cease slapping.

"Stop it!" Kara demanded, fumbling up but too fuzzed to even do anything properly. "Stop slapping me!"

"Then wake the fuck up!"

The slapping stopped and Kara was momentarily grateful before Alex reappeared in her line of vision with literally a jug of water in her hand. "What the –"

"Drink it all." Alex shoved it at her. Well, at least the redhead didn't force it down her throat. "I will force it down your throat if you don't drink it yourself." Goddamn it. Kara obeyed and drank as instructed. She downed the entire jug and found her face being held in her sister's hands again. "How many fingers am I holding?"

Kara blinked a couple of times and noted with regret that her sobriety has returned with just one jug of water. This was one of the times she hated her super physique. Frowning, she jerked her head out of Alex's grasp and scowled at her. "What do you want?"

"There's another you in the city right now," Alex started, which made Kara wonder if she was actually still drunk. "And Lena is commanding her."

* * *

Sam Arias, one of her closest friends, whose life she had saved and to whom her identity had been accidentally revealed to when Lena decided to execute that experiment of hers, had once sworn that she wouldn't ever touch base with the abilities she apparently had anymore. She decided that she was happy being the CFO of L-Corp, being Ruby's mother, and a recent development, being Alex's girlfriend.

Kara had to learn about it through her sister, because as a display of loyalty and well-justified anger on her part, Sam had decided to not take Lena's side and not talk to her. That had lasted all of one month. When Kara had flown into the DEO headquarters with her sister in her arms, she halted, dumb struck at the sight of her former friend decked out in a last minute put-together of a suit. Kara recognized it as one of the prototypes Winn had come up with during the early days of her superhero adventures.

The taller woman was leaning back against Winn's station and staring back at her. No smile. No sign of any sort of friendliness. Just stone cold nonchalance with a dash of self-protective body language, such as the crossed arms and the straight back. Kara supposed the glint of joy in her eyes when she saw Alex was as close as she could get for the animosity to thaw at the moment.

Before Kara could even say anything, Sam lifted a hand and clenched her jaw for a moment as she scrutinized the blonde. "I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this for a friend. My best friend," she added, raising a pointed brow. Kara closed her mouth. "I didn't know she had Harun-El. I only found it when I was looking for her at her lab and felt it. And then I saw…you and I thought it was you, but then it wasn't you. Turns out when you used the Harun-El to save…me," Sam said reluctantly, like the thought of Kara saving her was unfathomable, "you created another you. A darker you. And somehow, that Kara found her way to Lena even though she doesn't really remember anything else. She doesn't even know me, but she knows Lena."

Anyone who knew even an iota of her friendship with Lena wouldn't have to wait to know the rest of that sentence. The implication of everything Sam had just said, especially about the whole darker her finding her way to Lena, despite not remembering anything else.

"So why are you…dressed like that?" she asked, gesturing at Sam's outfit.

She watched as the other Kryptonian and her sister shared a look – one unwilling and the other imploring. And then Sam, if it was even possible, clenched her jaw tighter and she pushed away from Winn's station, eliciting an unwarranted yelp from the man when the station squeaked from the force. Kara blinked a little at the strength that Sam apparently still had.

"Whatever Lena's up to with the Kara the Second –" Kara raised her brows but kept her mouth shut at the glower Sam shot her way "– it's not good."

"Then we need to stop her."

"We can if we know  _what_ she is up to."

"Then we find out."

"Do you even remember what happened the last time you invaded Lena's privacy?"

"That was –"

"Supergirl, come on," Sam scoffed.

Kara winced at the address – Sam didn't even regard her enough to address her as the person she  _wanted_ to be, so desperately. She closed her eyes and tapped her boots on the floor. "It's not like I have anything else to lose," she muttered; it was loud enough for Sam to hear it.

Which was definitely the wrong thing to say, because Sam just went all different kinds of stiff in a matter of seconds. And suddenly, Kara found herself being dragged to the training room at super speed and then tossed over carelessly. She was lucky that she had been tossed so many times she finally learned to find equilibrium and plant her feet on the floor before something else other than her pride was broken – one can bet that when a Kryptonian toss another Kryptonian, it would be ugly.

"We are going to train," Sam demanded.

Kara had never seen her so angry like this before. Full disclosure, she was kind of scared. Blinking rapidly, she took a few steps back and tried to subtly look up to the viewing station. But then she heard it before she saw it and then she quickly flew to the side, narrowly avoiding yet another drag and probably another embarrassing toss.

"Sam!" she yelled.

Sam tightened her fists at her sides. "We are going to train. You're going to kick my ass, and I'm probably going to kick your ass too. But I want to be prepared for when Lena finally reveals her plans that will definitely involve the other you! I want to be prepared for when my friend finally collapses because of  _you_."

Kara's preparation to fight was there, but it all came tumbling down at that accusation. She stood there, slack and unmoving. And suddenly, a strong punch landed on her stomach and sent her tumbling back.

Instead of getting back up, she just lied there and allowed Sam's words echo through her head. She thought about the way Lena had looked that day – the desolation, the bitter smile, the light in her eyes that had just kept diminishing.

She blinked back into reality when a pair of hands pulled her halfway up by the handles of her cape. Sam loomed over her, a pained look on her face, like a betrayed friend, a sad friend. "Nothing left to lose?" she snarled. "How dare you." Sam, with her newfound Kryptonian strength, fully pulled Kara into the hair, pushing against the wall and pinning her there. "Is that it? Does Lena mean nothing to you? She found out your secret and you just give up?"

Anger took over as soon as the jab reached her head. Whether they liked it or not, Kara was more trained than Sam was, stronger than Sam was, especially now that Reign was gone once and for all. Before the both of them knew it, they were on the other side of the room and Sam was the one being pinned to the wall.

"I've already  _lost_ Lena," she snarled.

"No, you haven't!" Sam curled up her knees and kicked Kara in the stomach with both feet. Kara stumbled backwards and having lost her momentum, the other woman collapsed in a heap on the floor as well. They quickly got to their feet and circled each other. "Don't you get it? She  _misses_ you. Why the fuck do you think she's messing around with your clone?"

Kara stopped, blinking at Sam's words. She frowned and slowly stood upright, fists lowered and slackened. Blue eyes found more clarity than they had seen in a month as she realized the implications of the other Kryptonian's words.

"But she said –"

"Supergirl, it's  _Lena_." As absorbed with the thought Lena as she was, the blonde still wasn't too oblivious to notice the continued use of her alter ego. If it wasn't obvious already, Sam wasn't just avoiding her because she was siding with Lena. "Lena Luthor, the most self-preserving private ingrate of a  _martyr_ that we all have to save from  _herself_. Sometimes, she says  _things_."

Allowing herself to forget about the CEO for a moment, there was only so much she could think about her without getting to meet her. Kara swallowed and took a deep breath before taking a few steps across the platform to be closer to her opponent.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, glancing down at her boots and biting her lower lip with her hands on her hips.

"I  _hate_ that you saved me." Kara squeezed her eyes shut at the vehemence Sam carried in her voice. She meant it. "I can't even hate you right because you saved my life and gave me back my daughter. I feel indebted to you. Forever. And I  _hate_ that. Because Lena is my best friend. She comes second to my daughter, no matter what, but I can't even do that."

"You don't have to anymore," Kara said, hoping that she could make it better. "I saved your life. I also lied to you. Let's call it even."

Sam glowered at her. "It's not that simple."

Kara blinked and then nodded after awhile, sighing. She agreed. She only wished it was. She only wished she could go back and do things the right way before everything was the way it was.

* * *

"I don't want to fight you."

She floated a few feet away from the balcony. Lena had noticed her presence a few minutes into her presence and came out to meet her, a nonchalant and cold look on her face. Kara had never had that look directed at her before.

Nevertheless, the woman still looked as beautiful and effervescent as the first day they had met. Green eyes particularly vibrant in the night under the glow of the moonlight, almost like the moon had risen just to make sure everyone noticed. Raven hair tousled, probably from all the brain things she had to do throughout the day, most of which maybe involved the other her that she kept in her lab, but Kara had always liked this side of her – unabashed. What really took Kara aback the most was how Lena managed to turn such coldness into…this.

This  _goddess_  who could not careless about the mortals.

For a second, Kara really thought that Lena had stopped caring. Just completely turned off her emotions. A snap of her fingers, and she was living up to her Luthor name. But then she remembered how Sam had reacted, and she was sure that Lena  _still_ cared, even though she didn't seem like she did.

The CEO nodded, frowning a little. "Then don't."

"Give her to us, so I don't have to," Kara said.

Lena stared at her for a long moment before she chuckled, shaking her head and leaning back against the glass that separated her office and the balcony. "I should have known."

"Known what?"

Lena swirled the wine in the glass she was holding and took a long sip. "No one stays loyal to a Luthor," she said, almost hissing, but her face made it seem like it was a common occurrence, like it didn't surprise her anymore.

Kara knew better. "She  _is_ ," she said. "That's why she told us."

With another shake of her head, Lena pushed off the glass and headed for the entry. "You should go, Supergirl."

"Lena,  _please_."

"I don't trust her with you," Lena snapped, swinging around. And for once, the expressionlessness had gone, replaced by a face twisted with anger and disgust and regret. "I don't trust  _you_. Or the DEO," she added.

She had to be honest. That hurt. So much. Kara recoiled back a little and swallowed a ball of emotions that threatened to swell up in her throat. She took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair.

"What are you planning?"

Lena's eyes twitched. That didn't look good. It wasn't good. "Goodnight, Supergirl." Then she walked inside and closed the door behind her, making a point to let Kara hear the lock clicking into place.

They both knew that she could easily break into the office; they both also knew that she wouldn't.

* * *

The DEO was no longer a place she frequented. She grew tired of convincing them that Lena would never try to harm them – if not her, then the city. Her previous actions should have been proof enough. Despite the lingering animosity, Sam had wholeheartedly agreed. Alex took some convincing, but she set up tent in their camp as well. But J'onn was still convinced that they needed to be cautious, so they had gone on to devise a whole host of defensive strategies in case Lena decided to pull something nefarious.

Because of that, Kara refused to step foot inside the place. Whenever she picked up criminals and detained rogue aliens, she would just deposit them on the DEO balcony and fly away. Her training sessions with Sam were carried out in the warehouse specifically meant for her own training needs, each of them consisted an exchange of less than twenty words. Every night before she turned in to bed, she would make sure to fly past the L-Corp building and the penthouse Lena had finally decided to purchase at least five times to make sure the woman was still safe and sound.

She didn't know what Lena's plan for her doppelganger was, but she didn't need long to know. Because she was just stepping out of CatCo on a November Wednesday when her sister called her on the DEO-issued phone.

"L-Corp. You need to go to L-Corp now," Alex barked into the earpiece, panting, like she was running herself. "Sam and I will meet you there."

Kara didn't even have time to ask further when her sister hung up. But there was no need to. L-Corp was enough of a trigger. And she dashed into the alley, got rid of her clothes, and sped over to aforementioned building. It seemed all peaceful out here, like nothing was happening – just a casual Wednesday evening where Lena insisted on staying while everyone else was calling it a day.

The only reason she knew that Lena was still there because she could still hear her heartbeat, the rhythm that had become her anchor without her even knowing. And the only reason she knew that  _something_ was happening was because of that heartbeat, slowed and gradual – too calm for the Lena Luthor she knew.

As she looked down, she could see DEO vehicles – five in total – pulling up outside the building. Her ears picked up on Alex and J'onn ordering the exiting employees to get to safety and other DEO agents to get in position and be careful of any sign of danger. In particular, make sure that the Supergirl they saw was truly Supergirl to make sure they didn't shoot the wrong person.

"The lab." She turned to her left and saw Sam floating next to her. Winn had managed to come up with a suit after all.

Kara blinked as she took in the outfit Sam had donned. Similar colors, but more muted and dimmed. She got  _pants_. The blonde made a note to make the same demand when this whole ordeal was over and they had made sure Lena was safe. She had to admit though: Sam wore it well.

She wanted to ask who Sam was supposed to be as well, but they were running out of time. Almost like a sign to tell them exactly that, a rumble sounded from deep down below the building, audible only to the two Kryptonians floating over it. She just nodded at the taller woman and swooped down, followed closely by her fellow native.

What they were greeted with was the last thing she wanted to see. The last thing the two of them wanted to see. The woman they both came for was unconscious under a pile of debris of something or other. There were metals sticking out in random directions, damaged concrete laid out around and  _on top_ of the woman – she was stuck. Kara could only hope that was the extent of the damage.

She wanted to speed over and carry Lena back to whomever could help her, but something stood in her way.  _Someone._

The figure turned around. And Kara shouldn't be surprised. She  _had_ seen her own doppelganger before, after all. Her very own Nazi doppelganger. Except she still gasped. Her heart still leaped. Her brain still short circuited. She figured that no matter how many doppelgangers she met, she would still have the same reaction.

"Supergirl," the doppelganger said with a grin, looking like she was glad, like she was seeking  _approval_ from Kara.

Kara blinked. She turned sideways to meet Sam's eyes, a little uncertain as to how to proceed. "Lena calls her Kiera," Sam whispered, as if there was someone in this room who didn't have super hearing.

She barely resisted from rolling her eyes. "What are you doing…Kiera?" she asked, carefully taking slow but sure steps to the left, hoping that the doppelganger would go along.

"Helping you." There was an accent. That unfamiliar accent that Kara used to have when she had just landed on Earth twenty-six years ago.

"With what?" She stopped when Kiera only turned her body but did not move away from the mess that Lena was lying under right now. She shot a look at Sam and saw similar exasperation on the woman's face. "How are you helping me?"

"She told me that you are a hero to this city. You do everything in your power to save everyone who seeks your help. She wanted to stop that. She took me in and she wanted me to help her to destroy every seed that you have sowed to ensure the prosperity of this planet. She wanted Supergirl destroyed, thinking that I could be the key. She did not know that I was loyal to you – that I do your bidding instead of hers."

Kara blinked. "Did you tell her that you're…loyal to me?"

"Of course I did. I would never hide my allegiance to you – hero of National City, cousin of Kal-El."

She froze and went really quiet, still. Slowly looked away from her doppelganger to the unconscious woman still trapped under the rubble. At this point, she wasn't certain as to what she should think. But there was one thing she was sure of: there was no way Lena would have said those things, even though she was furious at Kara.

Lena knew the extent of her powers, therefore she should be able to calculate Kiera's. Even if it wasn't from first glance, then from the tests that she had  _definitely_  run while she was keeping all this a secret from the DEO. Plus, there was no way she'd be willing to risk the whole city just because she wanted to get back at Kara. Surely she'd know that severing their friendship was sufficient to break Kara's heart.

It took some time, but then it came to her. Within seconds, the strong heart under her chest that beat only for the people important to her could feel or swell for no other than the raven haired woman.

Her eyes widened by a fraction and she turned to Sam so fast that her neck would have snapped had it not been for her Kryptonian resilience. The other Kryptonian must have come to the same conclusion, because her face, instead of wariness and disappointment, was wrought with despair and expectation.

Because  _of course_  Lena would do this – like the self-sacrificial idiot that she was. Of course she would know the effects of Harun-El and turn it into something that would only harm one instead of a mass amount of people. Of course she'd think that influencing her split self into thinking that Lena was the bad person here would be the best way. Of course she would sacrifice herself for the sake of the entire city.

Of course.

* * *

It took some time – almost five hours and probably even more. Kara was responsible to hold the other Kara back, Sam had the job of sifting through all of Lena's encrypted files in her private system to look for Kiera's weakness – they were sure she had found it, even though it took them a long time to discover it – and Alex, who showed up just in time even though her sister and girlfriend had yelled at her to get the fuck out, had to sneak past the three of them and help Lena out from under the rubble.

No other word could describe it apart it being a whole damn mess. Alex had gotten out of the scene with Lena in a fireman carry, and while Kara would have wanted to go with them, she couldn't risk letting Sam deal with Kiera alone. She was also certain that her doppelganger would only find some other way to go after Lena. She didn't want the next time she had to rescue Lena from the Harun-El aftereffect, there would be no Lena to save.

She still hadn't properly apologized.

According to Lena's research, even a Harun-El byproduct didn't exempt her from the effects of Kryptonite. This is particularly when she was just a copycat, which meant Kiera wasn't as strong as Kara – or even Sam – to begin with. In lieu of that, Lena had managed to synthesize a brand of Kryptonite that would be ineffective towards trueborn Kryptonians, which meant they could hold it and wouldn't feel a thing.

Kara didn't exactly have time be thankful for Lena's intellect that was almost inhuman. But once Sam had decrypted the lockbox that was specifically meant for the synthesized Kryptonite and weakened Kiera enough to knock her out, once they had managed to fly the doppelganger over to the DEO and put her in a Kryptonite-lined cell, once she had explained everything to Alex and J'onn and glared at the director for misjudging her friend again, she had time to sit down and be thankful for it. She had time to feel guiltier for being angry at Lena for keeping Kryptonite, because it came pretty damn useful a couple of times.

She had time, because she was sitting outside the operation room and waiting to hear news about Lena's progress. She was terrified and she didn't know what to do. Alex had told her that it was bad. Significant damage to the spine. Multiple concussions. Lacerations and gashes that needed more than just stitches. Just hearing about those injuries made Kara want to rush into the OR to make sure that the doctors actually  _saved_ her.

They wanted to get her under the sun lamp, because even when Kiera wasn't as strong as her, she was still strong enough to land some pretty solid punches. Naturally, she refused. She was resolute in this. There would be no sun lamps until the one person whom she was  _sure_ had saved the entire fucking  _city_ again – if not the world – was safe.

The light above the OR room finally turned off and the doors opened. Alex came out, tugging off her mask and cap. Sam and Kara looked at her, expecting good news – an expectation that dashed off when they saw the expression Alex carried behind the mask.

"She's safe. Touch and go for a while, but she made it through. Lena's a tough one." Kara had to smile in approval of that, but that didn't warrant the look on Alex's face. So she waited. "But…the damage to her spinal cord was…too much. We tried to everything we could to repair it. Cellular regeneration. Pressure readjustment. Soft bioelectronics. But it was – she was under the rubble for too long and she lost a lot of blood. We were lucky we could even resuscitate her on the way over here. But like I said, she's a tough one and –"

"Alex," Sam snapped. Maybe she didn't mean to, judging by the impatient yet apologetic expression on her face. The woman licked her lower lip and sighed at her girlfriend. "We know she's tough, but please, can you just get to the point?"

The redhead clenched her jaw, not because she's angry at her girlfriend for snapping, but because she was afraid. Kara could see it in her eyes, like she was anticipating the worst. "She won't be able to walk again. Complete immobility below hips."

Kara's brain blanked out as soon as her sister was done. She switched her gaze from the redhead to over her shoulder, where she had just seen a team of nurses wheel Lena out to one of the rooms. The first emotion that struck her wasn't disappointment – it was fear.

"I need to see her," Kara muttered, shouldering past Alex and leaving them behind as she stalked towards where she could hear her anchor beating.

"Kara, you need to –"

"I need to see her!" she snapped, swinging around to face her protesting sister. Her hands twitched at her sides and her head was blurry save for one very clear point and her body was trembling and – "Do you understand?"

Alex took one good look at her, and then she nodded. "Okay."

* * *

She knew the exact moment Lena regained consciousness. It was in the sound of her breath. The flutter of her eyelashes. The twitch of her fingers. The stutter in her heartbeat. Kara could hear and see them all; she hadn't taken her eyes off the woman for god only knew how long. She wouldn't know.

She just stared. Waited. Feared.

Slowly, those green eyes that had driven Kara utterly speechless the first time she saw them made their appearances after hours of rest. They fluttered from one place to another until they landed on her. The hand that Kara held twitched slightly, powerlessly. Lena frowned. One inhale, exhale. Another inhale, exhale.

Deeper frown. And she knew. They didn't have to explain. Alex stood at the foot of the bed. Sam sat on the other side of the bed from Kara. They were quiet. Patient.

Lena was a proud woman. Lena was a smart woman. She would find it humiliating if she had to hear it from them. Her eyes drifted towards her foot, covered by the fleece blanket. And a tear slipped out of the corner of her eye. No sound escaped her except for the sudden breath she released, as if she couldn't believe it as she learned it.

Kara lifted the hand to her lips and pressed a long kiss to the smooth and pale skin, drawing Lena's attention to her. She knew there was a lot of to be fleshed out. The look in Lena's eyes told her that not all was forgiven, but they were starting somewhere. Maybe this forgiveness had already started the moment Kara left the balcony that first night – Lena just didn't want to see it.

"I'm always here," she promised. Swore. Vowed.

There was still a lot to figure out, but they had to start somewhere. This was the somewhere.

**Author's Note:**

> okay, i know that lena using kryptonite to make kara tell her is kind of messed up, but you have to understand the fraught relationship she has with supergirl after season 3, and anger makes people do crazy things. 
> 
> guys, i'm in a bit of a situation here and it's becoming a little difficult for me to get it together and i could really use your help, visit my [tumblr](http://overcanary.tumblr.com/post/180468208042/taking-commissions-caffeinate-me) to learn the full story :) thank you!


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